"Christ, you're not one of them are you?" he asks by way of introduction.

I look up.  "I'm Elaine," I say.  "You must be one of my new neighbors."

He grunts.  "This was my classroom last year.  Let me guess, you took some class where they told you that putting desks in a circle makes kids like you more."

"It's not about having them like me," I say.

"Bullshit."

"Really, I just want to try out some different options to see what will work."

"Take it from me, you can push those desks around until you're blue in the face; it won't make a difference.  Oh, and I left you some papers in the closet.  You should look at them."  He gestures toward the small closet behind my desk.  "The cable for your computer is in there too.  I'd keep it locked up if I were you."

"Kids take computer cables?"

He laughs.  "Not the kids, sweetheart, the teachers.  there are more computers than cords in this school, but most of the computers don't work anyway, so I wouldn't worry about it."  He heads for the folding wall that separates our classrooms. 

"Good luck rookie."

The Best Day....

The best day of my life is when I don't have to be here no more.  I want to be with my grammy in the clouds and just look down and see it all from there.  Before grammy died nobody could hut me real bad.  She was there for me.  Now I'm alone.  I don't know what to do.  I want to die and my parents they said things would be better if I was gone and maybe they're right but I'm scared.  now that grammy's gone, I don't have a friend.  She used to tell me I'm pretty even though I'm fat and I don't even need a bra.  If I write to you every day, is that kind of like you're my friend?

I Wish....

I wish I had my dog back.  My dad took him when he left and I'm sad about that.  I don't miss living with my dad because we lived in a two room trailer in New Hampshire and my mom had one room and my sister got the other bed.  My dad slept on the couch and I mostly slept on the chair.  I don't miss sleeping on the chair but I miss my dog a lot. 

A bit about the book....

"Gangsta' Bear" started as a collection of daily emails that went out to an ever growing list of friends and family during my first year teaching at an inner-city school outside of Boston.  It was a way for me to process my experiences as a new teacher and to share the triumphs and challenges of many of these kids in the face of staggering odds.  Far from being a "Michelle Pfeiffer 'Dangerous Minds'" story where the young, fresh-faced teacher comes in and changes the world, this is a story of the real struggles facing teachers, particularly new teachers in under-served communities.  (Spoiler Alert: There's no happy ending.) 

(Stay tuned for updates regarding the release date for "Gangsta' Bear")